RIDERS BRING RAIN TO PARCHED WESTERN OKLAHOMA
    by Fred Kamp, Jennifer Mannon, & Lyndy Ohayon

The nineteen riders and support personnel on the OBS sponsored Coyote Hills Ranch Ride were awakened Saturday, April 13, to the rumble of thunder and gush of rain, the first rain since May, 2001, in this neck of the prairie. They quickly realized that riding plans were changing.

The Coyote Hills Ranch Ride was reinstated and revised by OBS Touring Director Jim Foreman, who contributed his usual first rate job of planning, research, and coordination. Unable to attend the Ride, he passed the torch to the able hands of Joe DiMonico.

The Coyote Hills Guest Ranch is located about 10 miles from Cheyenne, OK, which is located north of Elk City and west of Clinton. This rustic but comfortable ranch has hosted many past OBS sponsored rides, and several members have used it for family reunions and similar events.

The largest group attending the Ride was the Geezers Racing Team from Lawton. This included Jody Caldwell, Bob Hartley, Gary Hertzler, Jack O. Johnston, Bob Knowles, Bob Morford, and Lon Parks.

OBS members from the Oklahoma City area were Joe & Margaret DiMonico, Susan Higgins, Fred & Bonnie Kamp, and Tod Langford. Members from Duncan were Harry & Jean Messenheimer. These were the non-racing Geezers.

From Amarillo came members of Biker Chicks – Chick Magnets Jennifer Mannon, Lyndy Ohayon, Chris Stewart, and Gary Wixon.

The advanced group from the Lawton Geezers arrived Friday afternoon, April 12, in time to change and ride about 25 miles around the Cheyenne area. The other groups arrived over the course of the afternoon and evening. That evening Kass Nickles, host of the Coyote Hills Guest Ranch, put on an excellent dinner in the Social Barn. Joe DiMonico handed out route maps and discussed the main route, which was a 65-mile loop from the ranch to Reydon, Durham, Roll, Cheyenne and back to the ranch. The various groups began to make their plans for the Saturday ride.

Just before dawn the rains came. All plans for early ride starts were abandoned. Everyone slopped down to the Social Barn for a fine breakfast and then sat around waiting for a let up. About 10 o’clock the Lawton Geezers were the first to venture forth. Their story: "We got all of a mile out when one of the riders found out why rim tape is required on new wheels. After a return to our starting place, where we were parked on the paved road near the ranch, and a change of wheels, we were off. The clearing weather had all of us coming out of our extra clothes, and before we went 20 miles we were down to shirt sleeves and shorts. Everything went smooth until we missed the last rest stop at Roll, OK. It looked too bad to be a real truck stop in spite of the sign. After a short rest at roadside we rode off into a strong south wind to fight our way back to Cheyenne, 14 miles away. We got down the road a couple of miles and got into about a mile of nice cold rain, no hail, to cool us off. Everything went smoothly back to the start point, with the last two miles down-wind – the way all rides should finish.

The adventures of the Amarillo group follow:

The adventure begins in Elk City, mid morning . . . it was raining pretty hard so we decided to go to Elk City and shop until the rain let up. Gary, our Self-Proclaimed "Directional" Expert, purchased a $4.00 vintage cowboy hat. We later discovered that the cowboy hat had similar qualities [bad karma] as the Buddha necklace the Brady kids found on the "Brady Bunch Visits Hawaii."

We decided that since we came to Oklahoma to ride our bikes, it would be nice to get a few miles in, so we started back for the Ranch. This decision was reached AFTER we each consumed enough calories/cholesterol for an entire month at Bud’s American Caf. We headed back to the Ranch but quickly realized we were lost – we had discovered that our Self Proclaimed "Directional" Expert [Gary] was not so "Directional" [NOTE: he had on the $4.00 vintage cowboy hat].

About 3:00pm rolled around and we decided it was windy enough for us to ride. We headed to Reydon and encountered long, steep hills and strong winds. We underestimated the temperature by about 40 degrees – we were peeling off clothes faster than two teenagers after the prom. We decided that we would turn and take a jaunt around Skipout Lake. The lake was aptly named because we were skipping out of the real 65-mile ride! Our Directional Expert led us on an off-road adventure. This would prove to be a huge mistake because Chris ran over a small rusty farm implement that cut and shredded his tire. Chris was left behind to be rescued by other bikers who took pity upon him for such a pathetic 12-mile performance. From this point on, calamity after calamity would befall the second sexiest group of bikers Oklahoma has ever seen [second, of course, to the Geezers]. The sag wagon caught up to Lyndy to report the sad state of affairs. Tragedy number 2 was about to happen. You see, Lyndy has very "special" clipless pedals that require you to bloody your knee before you can get out. Ol’ Bloody Knee’s clipless pedals worked to perfection. She was a bloody mess. Lyndy decided to continue her ride marking her trail with blood. Her mission was to catch up to Gary and Jen.

Unfortunately, Gary and Jen decided to ride to Utah. They missed the turn clearly marked with the boots!! They topped the next hill and they turned around to look for Ol’ Bloody Knee. She was nowhere to be found in the state of Arkansas. It was at this point that they remembered that Chris [remember he and his bike had been taken back to the ranch] had graciously offered to carry Jen’s jacket that had the key to the car in the pocket. Out of genuine concern for Lyndy [their words, not mine], they came up with a "plan." Gary would ride back to Oklahoma to look for Lyndy and Jen would go back to the Ranch and get the key from Chris. Self Proclaimed "Directional" Expert Gary and Jen had still not realized they missed the turn at the boots!! Jen went further past the turn [stupid] and Gary went back to look for Lyndy. In the meantime, Lyndy had already made the turn and was waiting at the car when she saw Gary and Jen riding off into the sunset – she cursed their names. It was at this point when Lyndy decided to walk to the ranch feeling quite abandoned by her "friends" and that is when Cujo and friends caught the first whiff of Ol’ Bloody Knee. They were on her trail. They caught her and chewed on Ol’ Bloody Knee. Lyndy crafted an artificial limb out of bailing wire and an old fence post [this was a trick she learned from her Pa down on the farm in Wellington]. She began to hobble back to the Ranch.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch, Chris, an ultra-marathoner in excellent physical condition, decided to run back to the rendezvous point for a tearful reunion with his long lost [and I do mean lost] friends. Now Ol’ Kneeless was really starting to get mad. Abandoned by her friends she was like a bull in a china closet. Jen and Gary caught up to each other and decided it was time to go and check on Lyndy!! They saw her hoofing it on her bloody stump while the dogs were circling. They all hugged dramatically not sure that they would ever see each other again and started comparing stories of their own individual bike adventure. It was at this time when they saw "It." It was a vision like no other. With rippled muscles, sweat glistening off his gorgeous, mouth-watering body, Chris ran up. He seemed to be running in slow motion like a knight in shining armor – of course he was running to his group of friends (with the key) to finally end this adventure for them and get them safely back to the Ranch. What . . . no key?? You ran 18 miles to see your friends and you didn’t bring the key?? OK!! When is this adventure going to end?

This definitely won’t be our last ride with the OBS. These Okies sure know how to have a good time!!

(Editor’s note: By Golly, this is gripping! I wonder if they lived?)

Meanwhile the remaining folks (the non-racing Geezers) took a more carefully thought out approach to the situation. Loading up into their respective vans, they scattered out to various locations to see the sights and avoid riding. The Messenheimers visited Elk City. The Kamps, DiMonicos, and Susan and Tod drove the course and shuddered at some of the riding obstacles. They carefully assessed each eating opportunity and visited the Washita Battlefield where Gen. Custer and Chief Black Kettle had their falling out back in the 1860’s. Eventually they all reconvened at the ranch and a plan was devised. They would eat in Reydon and then ride toward Durham, with Margaret, Bonnie and Jean just a cell call away for rescue and support. They dined well at the Hill Top cafe in Reydon, while noticing the Racing Geezers dining across the street at the truck stop. Eventually they started out toward Durham with the wind behind them. The ride was perhaps a little hilly, but probably the flattest of the circuit. The van drivers met them at the HW 33 truck stop. Harry decided to pack it in, and the rest headed on for Durham. Joe and Fred got there first and were considering heading in the direction of Roll when an impinging rain cell was spotted. They summoned help just as Susan and Tod arrived. They had left their van at Reydon but thought they could make it back before the storm hit. This was not the case. Margaret and Bonnie picked up Joe and Fred, and both vans chased after Susan and Tod as the rain started. Susan seemed quite agreeable to being picked up, but Tod waited until the hail started. After he climbed into the Messenheimer van they drove about a quarter of a mile, and then the sun came out. Never the less they dropped Susan and Tod at Reydon and all started back to the ranch. On the way, they rescued Chris, as described above, and witnessed Lyndy’s painful though graceful dismount attempt. Chris resisted the offer to fashion a boot for his tire, and Lyndy resisted the offer to cauterize her knee with a heated wagon bolt. Brave little trooper that she was, Lyndy opted to continue on her own. The Geezer vans continued down the road and encountered Jen and Gary. They apprised them of Lyndy’s situation and relieved them of a turtle, the sole remainder of a herd that they had stampeded.

Eventually all the scattered riders returned safely to the ranch. That night they were transported by tractor drawn wagon to an outdoor cook out prepared by Kass and his staff.

The next day, Sunday, everyone did as they pleased. Many of the racing Geezers riding in the Cheyenne area, and Joe, Fred, Susan, and Tod, riding to the top of the first big hill north of Cheyenne on a route suggested by Jack Johnson. The Amarillo group ran and tidied up. Then everyone packed up and left by about noon. The Kamps and DiMonicos left about one o’clock and caravaned back to OKCY, stopping for lunch in Cheyenne and pie in Clinton.

Another great event planned by Jim Foreman.

[Editor’s note: The adventures of the Amarillo group make for a humorous read, but they also serve as an object lesson for bike tours. On tours, things happen. People get lost, tires blow out, dogs attack, chains snap, etc., etc. That is why experienced touring cyclists stay more or less together. Tours are not intended to be training rides. The slower riders cannot speed up to the pace of the faster riders, so the faster riders must slow down! It won’t kill you, I promise. If a group finds itself split, it’s the responsibility of the faster riders to wait up or retrace the route to regroup with the slower ones. Tours are much more enjoyable when these few simple principles are observed. J]

Click here for link to Coyote Hills web site.

Click here for some pictures courtesy Jim Foreman, Jean Messenheimer and Fred Kamp.

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